


Tohka Regret

by Tohka_Yatogami



Category: Date A Live
Genre: F/M, Relationship Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-05
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:20:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28986255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tohka_Yatogami/pseuds/Tohka_Yatogami
Summary: An old one-shot, later two-shot between Shido and Tohka after the latter's inversions in V7 and V15
Relationships: Yatogami Tohka/Itsuka Shido
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**There's honestly not much for me to say about this story as the summary sums it all up pretty well. This story is basically about if Tohka knew of her Inversion all along, and Shido learning what was going through Tohka's mind when she was in her Inverse Form.**

**And... that's basically it, so I guess we'll get this story started now.**

* * *

For the last week, Tohka had been feeling quite... well, down wasn't the right word for it. Usually if she was in a bad mood, Tohka never fully understood why she was for reasons she couldn't understand. This time she knew exactly what was wrong...

...But no one else did.

The day it all began had started out normally, in order to try and seal the sixth Spirit to appear, the idol songstress known as Miku Izayoi or [Diva] as the AST and the DEM, Shido had to cross-dress as a female alter ego named Shiori and compete against Miku for the right to seal her powers. Tohka had been working most of the day at Raizen High's maid cafe, though played the tambourine for the performance portion alongside Shido and the Yamai sisters.

After they won due to the efforts of Tohka's singing saving them after they couldn't use a song machine, and Miku's own powers backfiring as she caused her fellow schoolmates to neglect one portion of the contest... Miku didn't stick to her deal and other than herself and Shido, everyone got hypnotized, she only avoided it because she made herself unable to hear the music.

Their friends attacked them, only for Ellen to show up and in her attempt to protect Shido, got captured and taken to the DEM's Japanese branch where she was held prisoner and completely unable to do a thing to escape. Shido had soon come to save her, and... was stabbed in front of her eyes, even Miku who was with him couldn't use her voice to stop Ellen who was somehow just as immune to it as Shido was.

Tohka tried to break the wall keeping them apart but failed, and soon... was sure she saw the fatal stab that killed him. That moment, she couldn't take it anymore, and a dark power had taken her over. A power that Kotori referred to as an "Inversion". Luckily for everyone, Shido didn't die and the DEM didn't succeed in anything due to Origami ruining their chance to defeat her Inverse Form by injuring Ellen and Tohka was rescued.

The whole incident however had left Tohka deeply depressed, and she just hid it from everyone under a smile. No one knew anything was bothering her because she wasn't letting anyone even realize she was troubled. Tohka hugged her bread pillow close, sitting in the bedroom of her apartment alone.

At that moment, she heard a knock on the door, quickly making her eyes widen before she shook her face into a happy looking one.

'Is it Yoshino? Kaguya? Yuzuru?' Tohka thought, thinking of all the apartment's current residents as the most likely visitors. She walked to the door and opened it to see it was... "Shido!?"

Surprising her at the door was the last person she expected, she had always gone to Shido's house for anything. The fact Shido had come to her section of the Spirit Mansion/apartment was a first. Tohka flailed her arms in surprised before managing to collect herself.

"Oh, h-hey Shido! This is a surprise!" Tohka replied, ending up being a bit louder than she had intended to be. "What brings you over here?"

"Thought I'd just come and see how you were, everything fine? Normally you don't react like that when you see me." Shido asked, and Tohka laughed a bit forcefully.

"Of course, I just didn't think you'd come over to-" Tohka suddenly found Shido's finger on her lip.

"...Tohka, please don't lie to me."

Tohka suddenly froze in place, her eyes wide open as they shook at hearing Shido's claim.

"W-what are you..." Tohka stuttered.

"I've seen the face you used to make long enough to know when you hide it under another, you might be smiling... but I can see what you really feel like under it." Shido answered, and Tohka's facade broke as Shido saw right through her, showing her troubled and saddened face.

"Now come on, you can tell me... what's been bothering you as of lately?"

Tohka stayed silent and turned her head away.

"...I can't." Tohka quietly said.

"What was that?" Shido asked, not hearing her response.

"I can't." Tohka said, a bit louder but still very quietly.

"Uh... Tohka, I can barely hear-"

"I CAN'T TELL YOU! I CAN'T TELL ANYONE, THERE'S NO WAY I COULD!" Tohka screamed, making Shido flinch in response. It only took a few more seconds before Shido saw tears shed down Tohka's face.

"Especially not you, if... if I told anyone about this, then they'd hate me forever. There's no way I'd ever be forgiven. Not now... not ever... no even should forgive me..."

"Tohka, what are you talking about?" Shido asked, suddenly filled with worry.

Tohka simply turned her head away more, unable to face Shido after what he heard her say. She soon felt his hands place themselves on her shoulders.

"Please Tohka, tell me. How can I help you if you won't say anything?" Shido asked, Tohka's lip quivered... and unfortunately it was too much for her. She turned to Shido and then said the fatal, at least to her, words to him.

"...I lied." Tohka stated, making Shido tilt his head confused. "I lied! Everything that happened after you were stabbed, I remember all of it! What I did and almost did you, and to Miku... I remember everything! No, I knew what I was doing the whole time, and I still did it!"

Shido stared as his eyes widened. When Tohka transformed back from her Inverse Form, she didn't seem to remember what had happened during the Inversion, he had been weak and tired, and was so happy that Tohka had been saved, that he had completely missed how genuine Tohka's smile was.

It was two days after that he suddenly felt Tohka's expressions had felt off, probably when the reality had finally begun to sink in and she couldn't just shrug off the guilt in her mind. Now it all made sense, but now he was confused on what she meant by knowing what she did.

"Tohka..." Shido said, soon surprising her as she felt him hug her. "...It's OK, just tell me. I'll listen. After all I guess I am partially to blame for letting my guard down."

Tohka sniffled more as she buried her head into Shido's chest, sniffling a bit more.

"At that last moment, I... I was so sure that was it. That you were gone." Tohka cried, her voice shaking.

"I couldn't bare it, a world without you, so... I just told myself you didn't exist. Denied anything from that day was real, when I came to and noticed everyone including you... I just thought it was some nightmare or just some kind of dream. I didn't want to wake up and realize you were dead, and so... so I lashed out at everything. Tried to destroy everything. When you called my name, I couldn't even accept it because how much I knew it was tied to you."

"It wasn't until you kissed me that I finally realized it, that I wasn't dreaming... that you were still alive! I stopped blocking it all out and finally let myself hear my name, see your face and tell myself everything would be OK. However, it made me realize everything I had done... how could I face everyone if I knew that all I did was of my own choice? So when you asked me, I pretended like I didn't know anything. I'm a horrible person!"

And with that, now it all made sense to Shido why Tohka was feeling so awful. Shido had seen her face many emotions in the spectrum of sadness. Loneliness, pain, guilt and worry. However now she was facing one such sad emotion she hadn't before now, one she had never been in the right situation for to feel...

...Regret

It wasn't in her control, but Tohka had attacked her friends without mercy or restraint, and had nearly killed the boy who saved her life, all because the thought of him being dead was so bad, her whole mind changed the reality she perceived so she wouldn't be able to accept Shido was gone, even if he had survived the ordeal.

"No, you're not Tohka, would a bad person feel the way you do? Feel awful that it happened?" Shido asked, making Tohka gasp lightly as he rubbed her back.

"You have nothing to hate yourself over. You were thrown into a situation beyond anything we had control over, tormented by people who didn't care for you or others, and most of all they used your own feelings against you. If anything, the way you acted while in that state? It wasn't you wanting to hurt or kill anyone, you were just lashing out in anger you yourself couldn't understand... all because you nearly lost someone dear to you."

Tohka gasped again, soon whimpering a bit.

"B-But Shido, I..." Tohka attempted to say, but couldn't get herself to finish. Shido rubbed her head to help her relax.

"When you care for someone deeply, become so close they become so important to you, those feelings turn into a double-edged sword. It's because of how much you care it can hurt so badly to lose them in any manner." Shido replied, making Tohka gasp as she recalled how badly Origami snapped when she was sure she found the Spirit that killed her parents.

"Yet at the same time, no one can truly handle loneliness in this world. You can't just shun yourself from people and expect to avoid pain because you never get close to anyone. If anyone knows that... it's me. I mean it, there was a real chance I wouldn't have been here to meet and save you at once point. Kotori can tell you all about it."

Tohka cries again, and Shido hugged her close as she continued doing this for the next half hour. After that time had passed, Tohka's cries became sniffles, and then ceased fully as she was able to finally calm herself down before Shido wiped her tear stained cheeks clean.

"Feel better now?" Shido asked, and Tohka lightly nodded.

"Yeah, a little Shido... thank you." Tohka replied, soon looking away and blushing a bit. "Shido, I need to ask this... what would you do if something like this ever happened again?"

Shido smiled at that.

"I'd save you, just like I always have. No matter what you do or who you'll become you'll always be important to me." Shido replied, making Tohka blush at that. She soon smiled and teared up slightly before wiping them. Shido saw the time and gasped loudly. "Oh crap, I gotta get dinner started before Kotori kills me! See you later Tohka!"

Shido quickly ran out of Tohka's room and back home. Tohka soon smiled at his form left, but suddenly felt a strange twinge in his heart. It was... a strange and gentle warmth, one that she enjoyed feeling. She held her hand to it and wondered what it was.

"Shido... did you cause this strange feeling? It feels odd, but pleasant." Tohka asked herself, soon looking up at the ceiling. "Just what is it?"

* * *

**There you go Tohka, it's not wrong to feel as you did. Feeling bad about it and never wanting it to re-experience that pain will help you learn to become stronger and never let it happen again. (And to possibly be how you regained your full powers in Vol 10) So good luck there girl ;)**

**I even decided to add in that little extra part at the end as the first step to Tohka eventually realizing she's fallen in love with Shido in Volume 12. It just seemed like this would be the perfect moment for her to slowly begin understanding what her feelings for Shido really are, plus I think she became more aware of them around Natsumi's arc, at least in my opinion.**

**I hope you enjoyed the story.**


	2. Chapter 2

**I think some of you might be surprised and probably asking yourselves, why am I updating a one-shot story? Well, the reason for that is simple, due to how the previous chapter focused on Tohka being of her Inversion during Volume 7, I wanted to apply the theme of this story to the appearance of her Inverse Form in Volume 15.**

**Basically, a talk between Tohka and Shido about why Inverse Tohka even bothered to trust Shido and Origami's words, much less be willing to allow him to seal her if Michael didn't instantly undo the memory block (at least that's what Volume 15 implies based on the wording, as a mention of how the Spirits felt about forgetting him happens afterward) after sealing Mukuro.**

**So, here's the unexpected second chapter of Tohka Regret, and maybe the final one depending on if Inverse Tohka shows up again for a major role.**

* * *

Shido was taking it easy as he sat on the couch of his house, partially because he was enjoying the chance to finally just relax, and because of Kotori demanding he take it easy after having arm blown off and then reattached from his own recklessness. Honestly, he was lucky he still had an arm to reattach, much less the right Spirit powers to keep the attack that ripped it off from killing him outright.

While it did end up leaving some craziness, it had also given him the opening he needed to seal Mukuro's powers. The whole experience also helped Mukuro realize she didn't need to worry, and she was now fine with the fact she wouldn't have Shido solely to herself, though she may have simply remembered that's what caused her to lose the love of adoptive family and she wasn't going to make that mistake again.

Though that wasn't what his mind was most focused on currently, it was the other Spirit he had to deal with during that whole mess. Due to Mukuro sealing everyone's memories of him, every Spirit forgot him except for Origami, or more specifically the New Timeline's Origami after she gained dominance and even then Mukuro had nearly sealed her memories once she saw her near Shido... only for Inverse Tohka to show up and become a bigger threat.

Inverse Tohka, the power Tohka manifested when pushed to the brink of despair. Shido remembered how when she entered it the first time... it was because she was unable to accept the fact he may have died so greatly, she denied an entire half years' worth of memories so she wouldn't have to face the reality he was dead. It wasn't until Shido kissed her and she realized he was still alive did she finally calm down, though it left her with heavy regret when she finally admitted that she knew what had happened the whole time and the realization of what she had done.

But unlike that time, due to Mukuro having locked away everyone's memories, Inverse Tohka's inability to recognize Shido was actually genuine. If Origami hadn't convinced her and Mukuro to deal with their situation in a non-combatant way... things would have gotten ugly fast.

Strangely enough, Shido later found out from Kotori that Tohka's Inversion was likely the result of stress, even though Tohka had forgotten him like the others, part of her could tell something was missing and it was enough that the same feelings she had when she saw Shido nearly die managed to slip through. Shido was that important to Tohka, even more since she realized that she loved him, that even removing her memories of him wasn't enough to weaken their bond.

It had been enough that Inverse Tohka kissed Shido of her own free will to let him seal her after it was over, making him promise to never make "Tohka" sad. Aside from that and the fact Inverse Tohka had somehow known things Tohka hadn't in her normal form, mainly that the Inversion wasn't a darker power but actually her real power, and that it was tied to the First Spirit, something that finally proved Nia's theory that each Spirits were formerly human.

As Shido's thoughts about it all kept running, he didn't realize the very Spirit he was thinking about calling for him.

"...do? SHIDO!" Tohka shouted.

"Huh!?" Shido jumped, looking at Tohka who had a slightly annoyed look on her face.

"Finally, you heard me. Why do you always get so lost in your thoughts when I'm trying to get your attention?" Tohka stated.

Shido sweat dropped and rubbed his head.

"S-Sorry about that, I was just thinking." Shido apologized.

"About what?" Tohka asked.

"Well... about everything that happened with what Mukuro did to everyone's memories, mostly how it influenced you." Shido answered honestly.

Tohka made a sad face at that.

"Shido, I... I'm so sorry about that. After last time, I never wanted a situation like this to happen again, and yet once again I let that power manifest and acted like you never existed again, and I regret it even worse than the time before. I never wanted-" Tohka replied.

"Tohka, stop. You have nothing to apologize for... in fact, I can say without a doubt that you were the reason we even got through this." Shido admitted, putting his hands on her shoulder.

Tohka showed surprise at that.

"I was... the reason?" Tohka repeated, unsure he heard Shido correctly.

"It was so scary to see everyone had forgotten me, my own family, all of you, my friends... I felt just like you did before we met. Having no place in the world, like I was rejected with the difference being that it all changed overnight and I didn't even realize it." Shido explained.

"Shido..." Tohka breathed, she didn't even wanna think how familiar her situation had been to Mukuro making everyone forget about him.

"Ironically though, when I saw you appear in your Inverse state, I felt... relieved, because there was only one thing I could think of for why that could have happened and Kotori only helped add onto that thought. Even if your memories of me had vanished, I think you still remembered to a level not even Mukuro was able to block it off. You knew something was wrong just like when Origami wasn't present in the changed timeline. Even without realizing it, you still remembered me." Shido continued.

Tohka silently gasped at that.

Could that really have been it? Was it... no, it had to be. What else could have pushed Tohka that far, she knew at that moment she wasn't in any despair, but right after Origami's new timeline personality surfaced she suddenly entered conditions to Inverse. She even somehow knew where to find Shido. She agreed to the suggestion Origami put to not harm him, spoke to him about information she only seemed to remember and understand while Inverted and most of all, she let herself be sealed again after it was all over.

'Did I really managed to remember Shido despite all of that? Is that just how strongly I love him?' Tohka thought.

"Before all of that, when I realized Mukuro had done it and even made it so I couldn't undo it with Haniel, I was really worried... he only solution I could think of was sealing her. However, I wasn't even sure if it would work, she might have realized something and denied me a chance to kiss her, possibly use Michael to lock her happiness during a kiss so sealing would always fail. The moment you and Origami came, while I knew it might be hard and things chaotic... I was sure at that moment there was a chance." Shido smiled.

Tohka's eyes widened a bit, and soon she smiled a bit while a tint of a blush formed on her cheeks.

'I'm so stupid, of course it is. The one who's saved me over and over... why did I feel any regret over this? I'm no different, ever since then I've wanted to do the same, save Shido if he was in danger no matter how far I had to push myself. I ended up doing that without even realizing it.' Tohka thought, her smile not fading in the slightest.

At that moment, Shido suddenly felt Tohka hug him tightly while shedding some tears of happiness.

"Huh? Tohka, is something wrong? Why are you crying?" Shido asked worriedly, not realizing the reason Tohka was really crying.

"I'm not telling you, silly idiot." Tohka giggled, closing her eyes and keeping the hug locked in place.

Shido blinked, now completely confused.

'No matter how guilty I might end up feeling, and no matter the tears, anger, fears or worries... I know that in the end you'll give me even more smiles. As long as that stays the same, the I don't have any regrets today or tomorrow, not even those of yesterday. That's because I love you Shido.' Tohka thought happily.

* * *

**Aww! I was worried how that last scene might go, but after looking at how it turned out, it's just so adorable!**

**So overall, the theme for this chapter was a lot happier compared to the somber theme most of the prior chapter had, it made sense to go this way for me because it made the most sense when comparing the last chapter and merging it to how things when in Vol 15's canon.**

**To have no regrets, it's a very hard prospect for anyone to have, but it isn't impossible. I've seen many stories about those who said they lived without regrets. Often enough, it's those who lived how they wanted, those who never second guessed themselves, people who had next to no doubts.**

**I tried to convey a similar feeling to that, though in the sense that Tohka's been so assured by Shido's words that her worries have melted away, even if only briefly.**

**Why is Shido a bit confused though? Well, he tends to be a bit too kind for his own good, so I just made it so that he didn't realize his words did more than he expected.**

**Once again, thanks for reading this story.**


End file.
